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MALAKA OF THE DAY: ERIK THE ICE CREAM BOY
It's not all intellectual snobbery here at the Adrastos Virtual Cafe; sometimes I just wanna see some clueless, venal and greedy Americans run around an exotic island in their skivvies. In short, I like Survivor. I'm not proud of it but if Athenae can watch it so can I.
This week's episode of Survivor Micronesia: Fans v. Favorites (or whatever the hell the endless title actually is) featured one of the dumbest things I've ever seen in my life. Fanboy, ice cream scooper and Peter Frampton lookalike Erik was conned into giving up immunity in exchange for nebulous promises of niceness from the hot babes on the show. He fell for it and was promptly voted off the island to the sound of derisive laughter. That makes him malaka of the day. Only an idiot would do something like that while trying to convince themselves that it's time to stop being an ice cream boy and become an ice cream man. Yes, the malaka actually said that. Oy, such a vanilla putz. He wouldn't be an ice cream man even if he wore an ice cream suit. Talk about casting Perlis before swine. <groan>
Now you're probably wondering about this choice: prior malakas have been Moes and Erik the dumb is definitely a Larry; himbo division. But clueless schmucks can be malakas too; just ask Homan, he's the poster boy for the malaka as schmuck. That reminds me, I went to high school with a guy whose last name was Schmuck. I am not making this up. Anyway, every time roll was called in a class attended by young Master Schmuck there was much proto-Beavis and Butthead style jocularity. I hated high school but I did like knowing someone named Schmuck who lived up to his name. That's right, Schmuck was a schmuck and a Larry to boot...
Back to Erik the ice cream boy. I spotted him as a Frampton lookalike early on and have been making Frampton jokes throughout the run of the series. It's a sad idea of fun but where the hell else can I use Peter Frampton, Humble Pie, Small Faces and, best of all, Steve Marriott jokes? Nowhere except for on this blog so I guess I'll just have to show you the way and make sure that you feel like I do when you've spent 30 days in the hole before toddling off to itchy coo park.
Where the hell was Woody in that clip? How tinny. Okay, enough obscure pop culture references. Here are Erik and Frampton side by side:
Yeah, I know Erik is blonder and Frampton is brighter (who wouldn't be?) but it was so much fun to say "Peter Frampton" every time Erik's shook his sheepdog hair on teevee...
"That reminds me, I went to high school with a guy whose last name was
Schmuck. I am not making this up. Anyway, every time roll was called in a
class attended by young Master Schmuck there was much proto-Beavis and
Butthead style jocularity."
Was your youth as misspent as your blog continually suggests?
I met a fellow in my glassblowing days whose last name was Schmuck. He
kept insisting it was pronounced the same as "book". Those were the days
when I would also get repeatedly pulled aside and asked, as the token Jew
who could reference these things, if that pronunciation was a little
suspect. "Well, yeah," I said.
I stopped watching a few seasons ago because it seems to be the same thing
every season. But that one has to be the stupidest move on survivor thus
far.
"sometimes I just wanna see some clueless, venal and greedy Americans run
around an exotic island in their skivvies."
I rarely if ever mock Hawaiians; Survivor contestants and Jeff (The Perv)
Probst were put on the planet to be mocked.
I am no more Hawaiian than you are. I am a "haole", originally from
Bawlmer. So mock away (at your own risk).